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Newfs LOVE water and mud! |
1) Lift a hundred pound bag of wet sand up and down the stairs
2) Push a hundred pound bag of wet sand into your car
3)
Borrow a pony and purchase a Dremel and practice dremeling the
pony's hooves while on your hands and knees..be sure to remember to give
him carrots
4) Smear hair gel all over your walls and throw
it on the ceiling and TV, while you are at it... smear the lower half of
all windows, curtains, and glass doors
5) Wear old football cleats and run and slide on your wood floors
6) Smear your toilet seat in more gel and bits of mulch and grass
7) Throw away all light colored dress clothes, purses, and shoes
8) Rub fur and gel into the roof of your vehicle
9) Drip lotion out of the windows and down the sides of your car
10) At least twice daily drop that bag of wet sand on your bare foot
11)
Shake balls of fur, mulch, and a bucket of dirt all over your house
daily (add water for rainy days) for variety add bits of toilet paper,
shaving cream, and feathers
12) Throw chains and some of that gel on your stainless steel appliances
13) Stand on your dishwasher door while it is opened
14)
Practice repeating " NEWFOUNDLAND....no, it's not a Black Great Pyrenees..150 pounds....4-8 cups a day....no, I don't have a saddle"
over and over with a smile
15) Volunteer at the zoo to help wash the large animals and clean up their poop
16) Invite your friends over and have them all try to get in the bathroom while you are using it
17) Throw muddy wet rocks on the floor and walk on it in bare feet in the dark, you may not scream or you will wake someone
18)
Have someone operate a chain saw outside your bedroom door all
night...record this and play it every night right next to your ear
19)
Take a Nice long piece of rubber hose and go around smacking all
the coffee mugs off the end-tables and hit any close male in the
privates and just smack your own legs a few times
20) Take
shampoo, egg whites, and a gal of water and make big pools on your tile
floors.....run through this windmilling your arms and yelling whoopeee
21)
Pull back your sheets and fill your bed with a bag of yard
clippings and sand, add a branch and a bone..... carefully re-make your
bed...smear your pillow with hair gel
22) Practice sleeping
on the outside 6" of your bed with no pillow and that wet bag of sand
next to you...your blankets are to be under the bag of sand
23) Practice telling people that your husband does NOT beat you, that those bruises are from your dogs
24)
Stuff your washer with your best bedding and another one of those
bags of yard clippings and hair.....add a couple of branches and bones
and run
25) Remove your normal dryer vent and just run a temporary hose out your laundry window for venting hair
26) Without smiling, offer to drive your friends for a dressy night out
27) Bend all your eye-glasses and smear with more of that gel
28) Invest in a vacuum company
29) Invest in a dog food company
30) Purchase a vacation home for your veterinarian
31)
Walk around your grocery store talking loudly on your cell phone
saying "bitch" and "sperm count" and "bitch panties" and "imported
semen" over and over
32) Lay a sand bag in front of your
sink, in front of the refrigerator and in front of the dishwasher..
..now cook for 10 guests
34) Stand at your back door from dawn til dark opening and closing it
~ Author Unknown -- we first came across this many years ago on the Newf-L email list